The Big Question

Sooner or later, I believe we are all faced with the deep, dark question "Does God really exist"?

When Tsunami waves wash 300,000 people away- it does cause one to wonder
When you've worked hard your entire life and have little to show for it
When babies are born malformed
When innocent creatures suffer
When children starve to death
When injustice strikes
When dreams die
When tyrants rule
When hearts break
When church fails to be a loving, accepting, nurturing atmosphere
When prayers for deliverance seem to go unanswered

I was forced to ask the question my 8th grade year, "Where is God?" Nothing made sense, I was lonely and shattered after the second disastrous break-up of my family.
I am facing this question again. (Yes, my belief wavers at times. I do not claim to be some giant of faith. I know full well that I am dust.) I have cried many nights. My soul has been drawn out after God- with little-if-any response. My life is a quagmire. I believe in a mighty God, able to save, capable of turning misfortunes around. Yet, for some reason, He chooses not to answer or prosper my family. My husband has almost completely lost his faith because of this. I'm trying to be the strong one, but I'm tired.
Sometimes I wonder how much of faith is just wishful thinking, searching for meaning, for some kind of validation or explaination of our existence. When things go well, we credit the blessing of God. When things don't go well, we submit saying it must be His will. We have the Bible. It conveniently holds the answers for every human pain. Aging? No problem- God will give you a new body someday. Death? No problem- God offers eternal life. Have you messed up? No problem God forgives. Bankruptcy or Poverty? No problem- you have a mansion waiting. Lonely? No problem- God says He's always with you. Hurt & angry because someone has done you wrong? No problem- God will vindicate you & severely punish evildoers. Problem solved!!! Yet why must we endure such misery?

I have held to faith these past 3 yrs, with everything in me. I have been the one who so confidently tells the sufferer 'God is With You'. But when my heart is laid on the rack, it's a lot harder to be so assured.

My neighbor Herman, an Atheist once said, "The way I see it, people use religion as a crutch- a pain reliever that helps them cope. Faith numbs and gives you hope to keep putting up with all the nonsense, suffering and unanswered questions you deal with in this life."

Honestly, in a sense I get what he's saying. Without my faith in God and eternity, I would've given up on life long ago. I cannot prove God's existence. However, my faith in Him has made me better able to love and that's hard to argue with. God, help me endure this testing...