Bumper Stickers... hmmm

"You Can't be Christian AND Pro-Choice" & "You can't be Christian AND a Democrat"

Both of these stickers were on the back of the same car here in MI. Here's a case in point for why I'm somewhat wary of organized religion. The 'big machine' wants to think FOR you. You don't need any intelligence of your own or even a personal relationship with your Creator, simply ascribe to the agenda of whatever given religion you choose to affiliate with and PRESTO, you are sure to be sainted!

I'm sure the one who posted these dogmatic bumper stickers meant well. However, the wisdom in these statements is about as logical as "You can't like the color purple and be an American". Sadly, it reminds me of the Nazi mentality "You Can't be a Jew AND be Human".
I'm a 'Choose Lifer'. I don't like abortion, I feel it's murdering an unborn human being. However, I'm not going to chant ugly slurs with a picket sign, harrass a clinic or blow up some Dr's house. Not every Pro-Choice person had an abortion or even would have one- many on the Pro-Choice side DON'T agree with abortion, but are simply wary of legislating morality. (Which leads to a whole other discussion...) Being Republican doesn't mean all our countries problems will be solved either. I'm a registered Independant. I vote for who I think is the best man/woman for the job- party lines aside. What do YOU think? Do you agree or disagree with the bumper stickers??

God Alone...

Once I placed my trust in my Parents, but their marriage fell apart twice and they were both so wounded they were emotionally unavailable. I felt like a heavy weight tied around their necks. I despised the fact that I had needs, because I did not want to be a burden. I grew up fast and moved on...

I looked to Education to be the key to unlock a higher consciousness and a better life. I took loans, worked hard, made good grades and earned a degree. But learning is a tease. The more I studied, the more I wanted to know. Seeking knowledge, though worthwhile, is a never-ending journey. In school we were told that with a college education, the sky was the limit. They never told me how many times I would go to an interview only to be told I'm "over-qualified" or that I just needed a little more education/experience to qualify.

I pursued Friendships and enjoyed some really good times, but soon found that people change. Many of those friends are busy with their own pursuits and have moved on. Most relationships are only seasonal and fade with time and change of circumstance...

I placed my trust in Religion. I felt there was security there and for the most part there was... as long as I was a shiny, happy conformist. Whenever I exercised heartfelt convictions or hard times came upon my family, I soon found that despite talk of charity, the church is ill-equipped to handle independant thinkers or those in crisis. Jesus, the founder of Christianity surrounded Himself with the hurting and hopeless. Today, the sheltered within tightly-structured networks of churchianity cannot comprehend the pain in this world. So warmed by the fires of a self-congratulatory social club, they sing "Rescue the Perishing" but have not felt the cold or hunger others live with daily. The church is somewhat out of touch with reality. The blind cannot lead the blind. Far too many turn a deaf ear to the plight of the suffering because their faith is not yet strong enough to look misery in the face and still believe that God IS good. Instead of being embraced, the influence of those percieved to be "sinners" is feared, because the church has not yet claimed God's great victory over evil. Pre-occupied with swatting sin-flies and correcting theological errors, there is little time for humble service. And so the church is robbed of her power.

I found my entire identity wrapped up in Ministry- "doing things" for God & church made me feel significant. But ANY good thing with improper motive can become an idol. As I matured, I discovered how most of my actions were really to promote and bring glory to me, not unto God. I wanted to hear things like "Wow- isn't she devoted" and "What a blessing she is". I was still lookin' out for myself, but this time in the name of a good cause.

I placed my trust in my Spouse and looked to him for my sense of direction. Although he cares for me the best he can, he's only human. He is just as tired and disillusioned as I am and cannot be expected to hold me up. He cannot feed my spirit or heal the hurt in me. He cannot be what only God can be.

I looked to Myself. I wanted to be a nicely decorated package of achievement to present before the Lord. Covered with accolades from peers, surely their reccomendations and a track record of good service would fit me for Heavenly delights. But as I got older, I found myself growing weary. I'm slowing down a bit. I am now the one in need. My heart is bruised, my resolutions waver and I've come to see that I am nothing- the best of my effort amounts to very little.

So, I'm left with empty hands- nothing to hold onto, except faith in The Almighty. The threadbare rags I wore are stripped away- I am left with no other hope or comfort. Who will cover my nakedness? God alone is Holy and does not change. He IS Love and Mercy. His judgements are righteous. The Lord is a solid rock when all else is shifting sand. He is too wonderful to comprehend. I am silenced when I contemplate the things of God. How can a heart that is breaking feel such joy over simple things like sunrises and sleeping children? Sweet devastation.... how can one with so little have so much? This is a mystery.

The Battle for My Soul

There's a struggle going on at this very moment. This war is between good & evil, light verses darkness in my life, hope against despair. Sometimes I feel like Paul when he says, "That which I want to do I fail at, and those things I wish to avoid, I run to. Who will deliver me from this body of death?"

I feel there are two sides to every person. The side that wants to do right and to be a blessing to others and the side that only exists to please itself. I believe in an Almighty, Creator God. I believe that He loves us. This is where I stand although, I cannot understand why He would allow so many to suffer, I trust that everything happens for a reason. During this time of trial, it would be an easy out for me to bail on my belief in God. To curse Him and turn away to pursue my own pleasure. I'm angry about what happened to my family. I am disillusioned with churchianity and feel very alone, but that's not completely bad. The Christ was an outcast of religion back in His day. They didn't want to hear about a kingdom where ALL were welcome. They didn't want a Messiah who was for ALL people. They wanted a Heaven where only thier people and their traditions were welcome. Jesus came saying, "Whosever will" and that just beat against their social club mentality, so they rejected the very message that would have changed their whole outlook. They did not seek forgiveness of sin, because they thought themselves to be sinless due to their strict interpretation of and outward keeping of the Jewish Law and rituals.

I have been bounced out of my comfort zone. There are days I hurt so badly, I would do nearly anything to stop the pain, to feel alive again. I am numb inside and lonely. But this is a good thing, it is teaching me important lessons and it's changing me. I am finding greater compassion for others. I've seen tremendous darkness- both in my own life and in the lives of others and I choose Light. Love over hatred. There is power to overcome. I have seen those who claim to be God's representatives fall short of the mark. I am not bitter. I am trying to understand, but it's hard. Forgiveness takes time...

I don't want to just be "good" on the outside, I want to be genuinely good inside. I cannot clean myself up or be a perfect person. Tried that, failed a lot. For my heart to change, for me to truly care about others- saints and sinners alike, my heart has to be transformed. This must come from a Source beyond ME.

Apostle Paul found resolution in turning to The Almighty. God, I am yours, have mercy on me, a sinner. Forgive me when I am weak and be my strength. I do not want my soul to be lost. I choose You.

Diamonds...

I've been thinking lately about Diamonds. There are a few small Diamonds in my special ring. When the sunlight hits them at just the right angle, they sparkle with such brilliance. There are amazing colors in them. Today, I left for work in plenty of time. Towed Jay's car to the shop, then we headed to a park on the shores of Lake Superior to talk. As my husband and I sat enjoying the sunshine under a beautiful gazebo, the sunlight made my ring sparkle. It was like God was winking at me, as if to say, "Don't worry, you have survived many trials, you will also get through this."

It dawned on me that the beauty of a diamond, is Not the stone itself, but the way it reflects light. A diamond in darkness is nothing, but when exposed to light it is wonderful to behold. Now, diamonds don't start out very glamorously, in fact I don't think there's a woman alive who desires to have a strand of coal around her pretty neck or a chunk of coal in her wedding set. The coal, ugly, dull and black begins it's journey deep underground in complete darkness. Time, carbon and the elements press it, changing it over time until it becomes something of great value.

My life, for whatever reason has been plunged into a dark season which has lingered for quite some time. I have felt pressed on every side. However, my desire is to be a Diamond. I want the light of God to shine through me, to illuminate my life and make me something beautiful. Coal doesn't have a choice, it simply is what it is and becomes what it becomes.

I however, have asked God to do something brilliant with my life and I must believe, that in my darkest times, He is working the hardest. He is perfecting me and I must be satisfied to wait on Him...

Do What You Will...

Dear God,

I used to think the meaning of surrender was giving up anything that was enjoyable or pleasurable. Now I've come to understand that surrender means giving You permission to do anything You want with my life.

"Life is like a novel, written day by day
I am never sure what the next paragraph will say
When trials bring me to my knees
I pray my heart can still believe...
I am not the author of this story
I can only live out what is written for me
When I'm afraid to face the final chapter
Remind me there's a happy ever-after..." (Excerpt from song I wrote)

A good storyline doesn't only have the main character experiencing one good thing after another- that would be unrealistic. Nor does a good plot involved the character only suffering- that's too predictable. Any interesting book has to have both ups and downs. Triumphs and defeats. If You are glorified by the suffering in my life- so be it and I am trying to be brave. Do what You will with my life, but please make it a good story...