Breaking Away...

I drafted a letter of resignation from the Seventh-Day Adventist church this past week. NOT an easy thing to do as the church was my life and passion for so many years. However, there were too many questions the church could never answer for me- if I am to continue in my spiritual journey, these things must be given proper time and consideration. God is big enough to answer questions and true friends are big enough to let you ask.

If the people in the church had been mature enough to allow me this growing process, I wouldn't be so inclined to leave, but I have had it with nonsense. I cannot ignore what I've learned studying the Bible for myself, not with groupies anymore. I have seen too much. To have a passion for God and constantly be micro-managed, stifled, corrected and told what to do, how to believe, eat, dress, think, worship, etc. To be lectured repeatedly when all I really needed to know was that I am loved. Many have been used, mistreated, and neglected by the "Saints". Sorry, but it's too much to take. Those who have never seen life outside the bubble, the tight inner-circle think it's crazy to leave. To them the church has only ever been a place of security. One believer so lovingly referred to it as being like "a baby receiving nourishment in the womb". Glad she's had such a great experience. If that little picture holds true, the sad fact is, many seekers feel that we have been aborted. We know how people feel about us now. We once joined in clucking tongues and looking down our noses at those who had become disillusioned. We understand why they left now.

There is a core group of sincere thinkers in the SDA faith who may still be able to turn things around, but it will take years. I sang my heart out, wrote with passion and spoke until I was completely burned out on the whole deal. Some prefer spiritual bondage rather than knowing FREEDOM in Jesus Christ.
The vast majority still hold themselves up as the last bit of light to a fallen world saying, "Look to us for Truth". Yet, when thier members failed to provide the most basic of needs in someone's darkest hour, we are told, "Well, you can't judge the church by it's people." Which is it then? Look to you as examples or not??

Christ is the only example you as "Christians" should have upheld. Not a denomination, not 3ABN or LifeTalk, not this or that celebrity preacher or Sister White. For all the many words of "inspiration" you are barren like fig trees with no fruit and it has broken hearts until we prefer to "wander in the wilderness" than sit in the pews or suffer such dry sermons anymore.

All the "love" I thought existed when I went along with everything, suddenly grew quite thin when I began to think for myself. Oh, how the gossip wheels have turned! In arrogance, you were not even willing to hear us out or see where we were coming from.

How often does one turn the other cheek before realizing that's all you will ever do?? The church doled out the abuse, yet faults many for their anger. If a wife has an abusive husband, people clearly see the necessity of her getting OUT of the relationship. Our relationship with the church was spiritually toxic, yet we are expected to grin and bear it?

One of the hardest things for someone like me to reconcile is that the church is NOT God. The church saves nobody. God alone can save. So effective were you in the indoctrination of mind & soul. Many nights I have shuttered at the thought of even considering a withdrawel from the organization- for fear I would be "lost". I'm not leaving God, I'm leaving a controlling social club. This is a neccessary step in my growth as a person, but it has not come without the shedding of many tears.

You see, the majority of people in that church believe that anyone who is not a member of their particular denomination is in serious danger of condemnation. Especially if you were once a part of their whole scene and choose to leave. They have been in the big church business for so many decades, they cannot see how the church and it's message has become their God. So filled with a mission for winning people to their way of thinking, many have lost the ability to do much- if any practical good in people's lives and meet their daily needs. Even for a family of 6 of their own members.

There have been a few genuine souls who sent us money or a note of encouragement here & there after the firings- we have been & remain VERY grateful for that.

The Test...

"Thou shalt not put the Lord Thy God to the test." - Jesus Christ

Why not??

The Christ was being tempted by Satan according to the story. The devil quoted scripture saying, "Jump off this temple roof and Angels will bear You up, lest You dash Your foot against a stone." (It's written in the scripture, so it must be true.) Jesus responds with a one-liner quote, "Don't test God". Did Jesus say this because God is really that weak? Or because He knew that if He jumped off the temple, no angel would catch Him??

I've had my feet to the fire for a very long time now- years. I know what it's like to barely hang on to sanity because of the chaos, pain and loss in my life. I find it VERY disturbing, that God is allowed to test man to the utmost lengths of our endurance. But we are not supposed to test Him???????? He is the invisible one here! We humans are tangible, we know we exist because we can see, hear, feel and interact verbally with one another.

If I had a dollar for everyone who told me that my situation reminds them of Job, I'd be filthy rich by now. So let's look at the story of Job.

Job is a wealthy and honorable man with a large family and many servants & cattle are in his care. Job is just going along doing his thing the best way he knows how. Meanwhile, behind the scenes in Heaven, Satan goes to God and says, "Hey, You've been too good to this guy and he's only serving You because You spoil him. Let me strip him of everything and we'll see just how much he really loves you." Like a weak child who can't say no to a dare, God offers up his faithful friend Job as a crash-test dummy saying, "Okay Satan, have your way with him- do anything you want, just don't kill him."

God volunteers his good friend Job. Nobody said, "Job, would you be willing to undergo great loss in order to vindicate God from an accusation?" No, God just throws him at the mercy of Satan. Sorry, but that is just incredibly cruel!!!! I wouldn't do that to the worst of my enemies.

We follow the story and Job loses all his servants, beloved children, all his cattle, his health and ends up sitting on a pile of ashes, in extreme physical pain, overwhelmed with grief, living in a daze with a broken heart. His wife is despondant. THERE ARE WORSE THINGS THAN DEATH!! We don't know how long Job was left to exist in this awful state, but his situation was SO terrible that when friends came to see the situation for themselves, they sat stunned & speechless for days. However, as all believers seem to do, when they were able to speak, they did to Job what so many did to me & my family- they started accusations. "Well, Job, maybe you didn't really pay a faithful tithe?" "Well, Job, maybe you should fess up about your "secret sins"." "Well, Job, maybe God has abandoned you." (partly true)

I don't find anywhere in the story where it says that God was with Job in all of this suffering- which means He did not keep His promise to "never leave or forsake". So for all practical purposes, Job was left to stand on his own. Then, in the midst of horrible misery, Job dares to question God and God gets all indignant with him saying, "Who are YOU to question Me? I am God and you are just a man."

Sorry, but I no longer find inspiration from the story of Job, folks- stop comparing me to him!

Christians are quick to point out that in the end, after Job had withstood the terrible test, God gave him everything and more. That is supposed to erase the fact that Job lost his first batch of kids? In the Seventh-day Adventist tradition, I was taught that the first batch of children Job had were spoiled & rebellious and that's why God allowed them to die. (Scripture doesn't say that, their prophet EGW does.) Job is someone who's name is so lightly mentioned in Sabbath School discussions- everyone's an expert you know. Only those who have had a Job experience can speak his name with reverence for the Hell-on-earth he went through.

My point? God is almighty, all-knowing & untouchable- He should be able to handle testing much moreso than weak humans- yet testing or questioning Him is forbidden. But, WE are the ones put to the test every day and for what?? To PROVE His character??????

Sorry, but this makes no sense to me!

Christians, do not hate me for questioning my beliefs. It is YOUR inconsistent ethics that sparked this in me and drove me to it. You talk about grace, but I find you can be the most ungracious. You talk about faith, but often fail to believe in each other. You talk about forgiveness, but I have found many grudge-holders. Talk about charity, but your giving is just going through the motions- it's a ritual for you. You talk about truth, but you have missed the greatest of all truths and that is love- genuine love- not just the kind you put on for appearance sake and pats on the back. You talk about Christ, but so few of you are like Him. This is what I have against you.

Dear God

(Disclaimer- do not read if uncomfortable with honesty before God)

I have some pretty big questions about You right now. I've always believed in being open & honest with my life experience. This involves taking a risk, because there are plenty of people who think they know all the answers who are quick to judge. I'm a sincere person and know that most people, if given enough time to get REAL, will admit that yes, even they have some unanswered musings.

In my religious up-bringing, my questions were constantly being silenced as if I was being ridiculous for not buying into everything I was taught hook, line & sinker. I was told such things as "It's not our place to ask", "It's not our place to know these things until Heaven" and "Only God knows". However, You gave me a brain and I think You are big enough to answer my questionings. I can go NO further in any relationship with You until these things are settled. So here goes...

1) In college, I was taught that consistent ethics are the mark of a mature person. Are You a mature God? I mean, You wrote in stone "Thou Shalt not kill", but You kill and You commanded Your own followers to kill- remember the part where You told them to go in and wipe out whole villages, men, women, children and animals alike? What's up with that?? Being familiar with the character of Christ makes a man tender and compassionate toward others. How could You command your people to commit such atrocities? Were you there to soothe away their nightmares after they carried out Your wishes? Did you erase from memory the sound of children screaming for mercy as Your "chosen people" murdered their mothers? You pitch some pretty big temper tantrums when people don't see things Your way. Fire from Heaven, the earth swallowing people up. I'm sorry, but Your ethics seem inconsistent.

2) Despite the best efforts of Bible scholars to explain away the differences between Old & New Testament God, I still have a hard time reconciling the kind, tender, compassionate Jesus figure I love in the NT with the vengeful God in the OT. Did you know the very people You commanded 'Not to murder' had a "brilliant" solution for misbehaved youth? Take them out and stone them. Well, that's mature! However, You must have endorsed this approach or it wouldn't be in the scriptures.

3) For all the Bible's teachings about selflessness and putting others before yourself, this whole mess here on earth supposedly is being allowed to continue in order to vindicate YOUR CHARACTER?? So it's all about You. For all the teachings on humility, You command/demand worship?? Forgive me, but it seems arrogant. I know Your Son walked the earth thousands of years ago, but have You been down here lately? It's gotten worse. Circumstances push people to the very edge- they do something foolish, then You or "your people" condemn them for it? Doesn't seem right! Christians are supposed to be all humble pie & plain. We are to view ourselves as sinful worms and grovel before You. None of us asked to be born into a world filled with suffering. We do the best we can to cope and to get some kind of enjoyment/fulfillment from our lives... but better be careful, because only certain things are allowed. Enjoy food, but not too much. Enjoy music, but only certain kinds. Care for your body, but not too much or you just might end up loving yourself...

4) Okay, the Children of Israel were slaves in Egypt for generations because YOU allowed it as punishment for their unfaithfulness. Then You send in Your player Moses and lay awful plagues and bring terrible suffering upon all the Egyptian unbelievers primarily because of the actions of Pharoah. Is that fair?? Even a sinner like me knows that kindness is what draws people. You painfully scourged Egypt until they were forced to release thier prisoners. If you were trying to win the Egyptians over to the faith, You failed miserably. All You did was serve to terrify & confuse them even more. Then, after hundreds of years of punishment & neglect from You, the Isrealites are supposed to be insta-Christians and forget the old ways of the Pagan land YOU put them in??

5) Love cannot be forced- only invited. For years I was told that You never force anyone- that You are all about free choice, but I'm sorry, Your track record speaks otherwise. Very often in the scripture I find that You send a prophet like Jonah to warn people "Repent and believe or be destroyed". Jonah doesn't want to go on the mission, so you pitch a temper fit, raise a storm until Jonah finds himself overboard & supposedly swallowed by a whale. Then he's kept in the most despicable example of solitary confinement I've ever heard of- until he agrees to do Your bidding. You drowned all but 8 people with the flood. How many people died of drought during Elisha's time? You seem pretty forceful to me!

6) Those who call themselves Your "Remnant People" have made a religion out of diet. According to them, meat-eating is condemned. I have seen ugly debates among church-members over whether or not to baptize people who still eat meat. I have heard it quoted many times that "flesh eaters will not be in the Kingdom". So, where do they get off on saying those things when YOU told Noah and his family to eat meat?? So, Noah obeys and the people decide they enjoy meat. We've eaten meat for generations and now, just before the end, we're supposed to get happy on fruit & nuts??? You know I was a strict Vegan for 5 years. I was stick thin, weak and washed out looking. You know I feel/perform better on a meat diet. Your "Remnant people" painted the picture for years that noble Daniel was raised a vegetarian, but that's simply not true! Jews ate meat. Calf, Lamb, Fish. Jesus Himself used an illustration of a father killing the fatted calf in honor of a wayward son coming home. Jesus also fed his disciples fish on more than one occasion. If meat eating were such a terrible disgrace in your eyes, He could have whipped up some veggie-patties. Christ ate the passover lamb.

7) I passed a church sign the other day that read "The earth displays the glory of God". Does it? Talk about rose-colored glasses!! Did it show Your glory the day Pompei blew up killing an entire civiliation? How about when the Tsunami washed away 300,000 people in less than an hour?? When Tornadoes destroy whole towns or when New Orleans is underwater?? Does it prove You are God, when animals lay rotting on the roadside, when draught & famine plague the land for generations? Yes, there is beauty here and I'm grateful for it, but it doesn't erase the fact that every day I wake to beautiful scenary in a prosperous land, somewhere in the world a child is dying on the ground while buzzards wait to feast on his/her flesh.

8) You created man with intelligence, but if he doesn't see things Your way, he is condemned. However, our obedience to You is largely based on belief in the intangible, invisible and seemingly impossible. For example, anyone with half a brain can see that an ark the size you asked Noah to build could not have held all the worlds people- let alone animals. As I stood looking upon a life-sized scale model of the ark, I couldn't help but understand why people laughed at Noah. He was calling for everyone to come in and be saved, but there was obviously not enough room. So am I to believe that IF all the people in the world had decided to go on the ark, You would've magically stretched it to accomodate them?
- Another story that defies description is when Joshua asked You to make the sun stand still. His request was likely based on the old belief that the sun rotated around us. The sun doesn't move around us, we move around the sun. So what You really did then was stop the earth. At the rate the earth is moving- it would have snapped trees in two, toppled houses- at the very least thrown people miles distant from where they were standing.
- Why in the hardest of times for some people in scripture, You send an angel, You give visions, You give signs in the Heavens or upon the earth so they can believe and in one of the most horrible times for my family, You can't do the same?

9) I would never place my sweet, innocent children in a position where I knew they could be misled- without warning them first. So You create a fresh new world and place upon it, the most innocent humans who ever lived. You put a "no-no" tree in the middle of the garden telling them not to eat from it. You don't give much explanation, You simply say, "Don't eat from this tree or you will die". (Try explaining death to someone who's never seen it- good luck with that!) I've read the Genesis account. Nowhere did you warn, "Hey guys, there's this really bad guy out there who can shape-shift and he just might show up in this garden and try to talk you into disobeying me." (EGW added that part about You warning them to the story- it is not scripturally based.) So, you created a woman for Adam so he wouldn't be alone- that was nice and with stamina like he had, I'm sure he appreciated her warm, soft body morning, noon & night. (I digress) You, who know the beginning from the end, knew Lucifer would come to Eden and perfect, trusting Eve- who had never lied or been lied to would fall into deception and take Adam with her- plunging humankind into death & suffering for thousands of years. Basically what You did was take a 2 yr old, put her on a tricycle in the middle of the Interstate, knowing full well that an 18 wheeler was coming AND did not warn her or remove the child from danger. (Again, we're supposed to overlook this because after all, we are here to vindicate YOU before the universe?)

10) Sorry, but the story of Uzzah really upsets me. They are carrying the symbol of YOU & Your awesome power across the desert. The ox stumbles, the Ark begins to fall, fearing for it's safety, in an instant, Uzzah tries to catch it and You kill him for it. Later, King David laments that Uzzah died because the Ark was being "improperly transported" and takes responsibility for the death. I doubt that was any comfort to Uzzah's family. Uzzah died because David ticked You off by not showing You the proper respect? How fair is that???

11) King David is considered to be a 'man after Your own heart'. However, according to the standards Apostle Paul set up, King David could not have been a church leader. Why? Because he had more than one wife. Just another one of the bothersome inconsistencies.

God, how can You ask me to be involved with organized religion when it gets off on petty tangents while letting families like mine fall through the cracks of charity?? The churches are more concerned with how we vote, how we dress, and what day we are keeping than how well our pantry is stocked. So many of our cries for help went unanswered. We are pulling ourselves up by our own bootstraps right now- it looks like we're going to be okay. It's been HELL and now that we're coming out on the other side of devastation, we're supposed to clap, cheer and praise You and act like nothing ever happened???

I'm really having a hard time with all this. Don't despise me for asking... I feel that if You condemn me for having questions, You are not the kind of God I want to be friends with anyway...

Bumper Stickers... hmmm

"You Can't be Christian AND Pro-Choice" & "You can't be Christian AND a Democrat"

Both of these stickers were on the back of the same car here in MI. Here's a case in point for why I'm somewhat wary of organized religion. The 'big machine' wants to think FOR you. You don't need any intelligence of your own or even a personal relationship with your Creator, simply ascribe to the agenda of whatever given religion you choose to affiliate with and PRESTO, you are sure to be sainted!

I'm sure the one who posted these dogmatic bumper stickers meant well. However, the wisdom in these statements is about as logical as "You can't like the color purple and be an American". Sadly, it reminds me of the Nazi mentality "You Can't be a Jew AND be Human".
I'm a 'Choose Lifer'. I don't like abortion, I feel it's murdering an unborn human being. However, I'm not going to chant ugly slurs with a picket sign, harrass a clinic or blow up some Dr's house. Not every Pro-Choice person had an abortion or even would have one- many on the Pro-Choice side DON'T agree with abortion, but are simply wary of legislating morality. (Which leads to a whole other discussion...) Being Republican doesn't mean all our countries problems will be solved either. I'm a registered Independant. I vote for who I think is the best man/woman for the job- party lines aside. What do YOU think? Do you agree or disagree with the bumper stickers??

God Alone...

Once I placed my trust in my Parents, but their marriage fell apart twice and they were both so wounded they were emotionally unavailable. I felt like a heavy weight tied around their necks. I despised the fact that I had needs, because I did not want to be a burden. I grew up fast and moved on...

I looked to Education to be the key to unlock a higher consciousness and a better life. I took loans, worked hard, made good grades and earned a degree. But learning is a tease. The more I studied, the more I wanted to know. Seeking knowledge, though worthwhile, is a never-ending journey. In school we were told that with a college education, the sky was the limit. They never told me how many times I would go to an interview only to be told I'm "over-qualified" or that I just needed a little more education/experience to qualify.

I pursued Friendships and enjoyed some really good times, but soon found that people change. Many of those friends are busy with their own pursuits and have moved on. Most relationships are only seasonal and fade with time and change of circumstance...

I placed my trust in Religion. I felt there was security there and for the most part there was... as long as I was a shiny, happy conformist. Whenever I exercised heartfelt convictions or hard times came upon my family, I soon found that despite talk of charity, the church is ill-equipped to handle independant thinkers or those in crisis. Jesus, the founder of Christianity surrounded Himself with the hurting and hopeless. Today, the sheltered within tightly-structured networks of churchianity cannot comprehend the pain in this world. So warmed by the fires of a self-congratulatory social club, they sing "Rescue the Perishing" but have not felt the cold or hunger others live with daily. The church is somewhat out of touch with reality. The blind cannot lead the blind. Far too many turn a deaf ear to the plight of the suffering because their faith is not yet strong enough to look misery in the face and still believe that God IS good. Instead of being embraced, the influence of those percieved to be "sinners" is feared, because the church has not yet claimed God's great victory over evil. Pre-occupied with swatting sin-flies and correcting theological errors, there is little time for humble service. And so the church is robbed of her power.

I found my entire identity wrapped up in Ministry- "doing things" for God & church made me feel significant. But ANY good thing with improper motive can become an idol. As I matured, I discovered how most of my actions were really to promote and bring glory to me, not unto God. I wanted to hear things like "Wow- isn't she devoted" and "What a blessing she is". I was still lookin' out for myself, but this time in the name of a good cause.

I placed my trust in my Spouse and looked to him for my sense of direction. Although he cares for me the best he can, he's only human. He is just as tired and disillusioned as I am and cannot be expected to hold me up. He cannot feed my spirit or heal the hurt in me. He cannot be what only God can be.

I looked to Myself. I wanted to be a nicely decorated package of achievement to present before the Lord. Covered with accolades from peers, surely their reccomendations and a track record of good service would fit me for Heavenly delights. But as I got older, I found myself growing weary. I'm slowing down a bit. I am now the one in need. My heart is bruised, my resolutions waver and I've come to see that I am nothing- the best of my effort amounts to very little.

So, I'm left with empty hands- nothing to hold onto, except faith in The Almighty. The threadbare rags I wore are stripped away- I am left with no other hope or comfort. Who will cover my nakedness? God alone is Holy and does not change. He IS Love and Mercy. His judgements are righteous. The Lord is a solid rock when all else is shifting sand. He is too wonderful to comprehend. I am silenced when I contemplate the things of God. How can a heart that is breaking feel such joy over simple things like sunrises and sleeping children? Sweet devastation.... how can one with so little have so much? This is a mystery.

The Battle for My Soul

There's a struggle going on at this very moment. This war is between good & evil, light verses darkness in my life, hope against despair. Sometimes I feel like Paul when he says, "That which I want to do I fail at, and those things I wish to avoid, I run to. Who will deliver me from this body of death?"

I feel there are two sides to every person. The side that wants to do right and to be a blessing to others and the side that only exists to please itself. I believe in an Almighty, Creator God. I believe that He loves us. This is where I stand although, I cannot understand why He would allow so many to suffer, I trust that everything happens for a reason. During this time of trial, it would be an easy out for me to bail on my belief in God. To curse Him and turn away to pursue my own pleasure. I'm angry about what happened to my family. I am disillusioned with churchianity and feel very alone, but that's not completely bad. The Christ was an outcast of religion back in His day. They didn't want to hear about a kingdom where ALL were welcome. They didn't want a Messiah who was for ALL people. They wanted a Heaven where only thier people and their traditions were welcome. Jesus came saying, "Whosever will" and that just beat against their social club mentality, so they rejected the very message that would have changed their whole outlook. They did not seek forgiveness of sin, because they thought themselves to be sinless due to their strict interpretation of and outward keeping of the Jewish Law and rituals.

I have been bounced out of my comfort zone. There are days I hurt so badly, I would do nearly anything to stop the pain, to feel alive again. I am numb inside and lonely. But this is a good thing, it is teaching me important lessons and it's changing me. I am finding greater compassion for others. I've seen tremendous darkness- both in my own life and in the lives of others and I choose Light. Love over hatred. There is power to overcome. I have seen those who claim to be God's representatives fall short of the mark. I am not bitter. I am trying to understand, but it's hard. Forgiveness takes time...

I don't want to just be "good" on the outside, I want to be genuinely good inside. I cannot clean myself up or be a perfect person. Tried that, failed a lot. For my heart to change, for me to truly care about others- saints and sinners alike, my heart has to be transformed. This must come from a Source beyond ME.

Apostle Paul found resolution in turning to The Almighty. God, I am yours, have mercy on me, a sinner. Forgive me when I am weak and be my strength. I do not want my soul to be lost. I choose You.

Diamonds...

I've been thinking lately about Diamonds. There are a few small Diamonds in my special ring. When the sunlight hits them at just the right angle, they sparkle with such brilliance. There are amazing colors in them. Today, I left for work in plenty of time. Towed Jay's car to the shop, then we headed to a park on the shores of Lake Superior to talk. As my husband and I sat enjoying the sunshine under a beautiful gazebo, the sunlight made my ring sparkle. It was like God was winking at me, as if to say, "Don't worry, you have survived many trials, you will also get through this."

It dawned on me that the beauty of a diamond, is Not the stone itself, but the way it reflects light. A diamond in darkness is nothing, but when exposed to light it is wonderful to behold. Now, diamonds don't start out very glamorously, in fact I don't think there's a woman alive who desires to have a strand of coal around her pretty neck or a chunk of coal in her wedding set. The coal, ugly, dull and black begins it's journey deep underground in complete darkness. Time, carbon and the elements press it, changing it over time until it becomes something of great value.

My life, for whatever reason has been plunged into a dark season which has lingered for quite some time. I have felt pressed on every side. However, my desire is to be a Diamond. I want the light of God to shine through me, to illuminate my life and make me something beautiful. Coal doesn't have a choice, it simply is what it is and becomes what it becomes.

I however, have asked God to do something brilliant with my life and I must believe, that in my darkest times, He is working the hardest. He is perfecting me and I must be satisfied to wait on Him...

Do What You Will...

Dear God,

I used to think the meaning of surrender was giving up anything that was enjoyable or pleasurable. Now I've come to understand that surrender means giving You permission to do anything You want with my life.

"Life is like a novel, written day by day
I am never sure what the next paragraph will say
When trials bring me to my knees
I pray my heart can still believe...
I am not the author of this story
I can only live out what is written for me
When I'm afraid to face the final chapter
Remind me there's a happy ever-after..." (Excerpt from song I wrote)

A good storyline doesn't only have the main character experiencing one good thing after another- that would be unrealistic. Nor does a good plot involved the character only suffering- that's too predictable. Any interesting book has to have both ups and downs. Triumphs and defeats. If You are glorified by the suffering in my life- so be it and I am trying to be brave. Do what You will with my life, but please make it a good story...

Gentle Dawnings...

Today I watched a sunrise for the first time in over a decade. Slowly, gradually, the sky went from blackness into the light of a brand new day. As I stood there beholding, I realized that all good things require a process and process takes time. I am too much in a hurry with my life. I set goals, dream up ideas and get frustrated when these things are not reached within a certain time-frame. I don't believe that I'm unreasonable, but I need to learn to rest more. I need to feast my eyes and delight my soul with simple things.

Daylight is important, but so is darkness. Each has a unique and appointed purpose. So it is with seasons of pain & pleasure. Despite the fact that life has been somewhat unbearable the last several years, I still believe God has some sort of plan for my life. Sometimes the greatest obedience is not in scrambling to figure everything out, but in trying to make the most of every moment we find ourselves in. I have only enjoyed 2 sunrises in thirty-some years. Today, my heart had a sense of peace. When the sun lit up the edge of the lake and turned it silver for a few moments, I felt a stirring of hope in my heart. Perhaps a new day is dawning for me. Rather than fight it, perhaps I should embrace it for whatever it may be?

I also learned a spiritual principle from this experience. God could have made it so the sun just jumped into the sky and suddenly day was upon us, but knowing us as He does, He is aware that it would be quite a shock not only to our eyes but to our entire systems to have so much brightness all at once. The sun rises and sets gently and faithfully.

I honestly regret the times when I have been pushy with others. I was excited about what I knew and wanted to share. I ended up force-feeding others with what I held to be true. When a soul comes into a deeper knowledge of God, it should be a gentle awakening, not a shocking or shameful experience. The trend in outreach seems to be 'share as much theology in as short a time as possible, then, during a moving piece of music, push for a commitment through baptism.' Rush, rush, rush... Many evangelism series are far too fast & furious with the information shared. "Well, Jesus is coming soon and we must warn everyone" they say. Perhaps He IS at the door, but He referred to Himself as being "gentle, lowly and humble in spirit". Do the tactics reflect the Savior we claim to represent??

Is there such a thing as information overload in the spiritual realm? I believe there is. It has taken decades for the love of God to break past the horizon of my soul and become a part of who I am. Why? Well, because I had bits and pieces of truth (note the little 't'), I had yet to experience The Truth. (God Himself). The wisdom that illuminates my life now has come at a slow, steady pace- just as the light of the sun comes into view on it's own time-table, not mine. Too much light all at once is over-powering. We learn this from the story of Saul being blinded on the road to Damascus.

Lord, help me be as gentle and patient as the dawn.

Wonderful Experience!

I just returned from a singing weekend in CA.- probably my last with 'Message of Mercy'- at least for a while. I must say that I was VERY impressed with the Paradise SDA church and they are to be commended for their growth, hospitality and warmth. Positive people, positive messages and they seemed genuinely interested in one another and in their guests. They seem to have a passion for prayer and that tends to make a HUGE difference in whether a congregation is lifeless or energized. I felt encouraged after mingling with these wonderful people who obviously have a living, growing connection with Jesus Christ!

Our concert went well and it was a blessing to sing with my friends again. Lord knows, I needed a break from the daily grind. I had safe return flights- although I am tired physically- AKA Jetlag, I feel somewhat encouraged in spirit. :o)

What I Learned About Legalism...

First of all, it's a human condition. There are legalistic Methodists, Baptists, Christian Scientists and yes, even Atheists. It's a spiritual virus found in EVERY belief system. I can say this with authority, because I make it a practice to mingle with all denominations and examine their viewpoints on a regular basis. Each organized religion has a mold you are expected to fit and use some form of tactics to get you there. Each belief system has it's own "pet sins". While Jesus is saying, "Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest", legal religion is staring you down with the will & won'ts, the do's & don'ts that have NO power to save. Jesus said, "They will know you are Christians by your love". Ever attend a church Board meeting? Did you feel the love?? Enough said...

Many churches are so busy banner-waving for their particular set of beliefs, they forget that Christ did not come to establish a denomination, but a Kingdom. This Kingdom does not see color, gender, culture, class and goes above and beyond the walls religion establishes. There is nowhere in His life or teachings where Jesus said, "Let's get organized & pick a name for ourselves. Let's come up with a dress code, 28 fundamentals and only vote Republican". Christ simply said, "The Kingdom of Heaven is here. God IS love, now go out and be nice to your neighbor and to the stranger that you meet". The disciples got caught up pretty quickly in climbing the ranks, each wanting to be the head CEO. Jesus basically kept saying, "simmer down guys, it's not about being in top spots, it's about kindness and servanthood."
My journey has been difficult. I've now been what is called a "Liberal", I've also been what is called an "Ultra-conservative" within the realm of Adventism. Know what? The problem was still there, because it's not a problem of food, clothes or what style of music I listen to. I still had this sinful, selfish heart and I had NO idea what to do about it. I was frantically putting out little sin-fires in my life, based on what my church and those in it recommended, but I was not satisfied with religiousity. You see, inside me is this raw passion for life and love that refuses to go down easily!

One summer, after 5 yrs of strict Veganism, wearing dresses all the time and my hair in a bun, I was asked to run a horsemanship program for an SDA camp in northern Idaho. (1999) Everyday while leading trail rides, the voice of God spoke to my heart, "Paulena, I love you. I love you in a dress, I love you in pants, I love you with your wedding band, I love you if you eat chicken. I love you when you dance in your room where nobody can see you. I love you when others are criticizing. I love to hear you laugh and I am near when you cry alone in the dark. I love you, when will you stop fighting Me and believe?" I had church everyday in the saddle on dusty mountain trails. It was awesome and life-changing. I found what I always wanted- a real connection with Divinity. I found unconditional acceptance. I could never go back to "do this, don't do that and warming a church pew".

Few will accept it, but the heart of God's message is: Love & Abundant life. (gasp) It's about freedom, celebrating what Jesus did on our behalf and living in that joy. If you want something REAL, break free of your chains. Take your eyes off yourself and look to something better. Let the dead bury their own dead and join the ranks of the living. Jesus said, "I am the God of the living not the dead". We have been called into newness of life! I'm reminded of a valley of dry bones. God entered that realm and prophetically showed that He is powerful enough to make even dry bones come to life and dance. He has done the same for me.

Legalism keeps people bound up in certain behavioral dictates and particulars. It blocks out the big picture of God's love and magnifies insignificant matters. It gives little hope, it only offers acceptance based on how well you jump through hoops. Jesus says, "Come as you are and rest".

Rest...

There were two contenders for the allegiance of Mankind. A ballot was cast at the base of a garden tree. Blessed with health, carefree existence and uninhibited communion with their Creator, the first couple lived in Eden's paradise. Deceived and bewildered, our parents fell into sin. So ashamed were they when they realized they no longer wore robes of light and righteousness, they gathered fig leaves to cover themselves.

God came seeking them in the garden, but they were hiding, covered in garments of their own devising... but leaves dry out and crumble. God fashioned garments of skin and covered the first man and woman in His robes. This very act was a promise that He alone could cover their sin & nakedness.

The heart of God longed for the sweet fellowship He once had with His children. So desirous of this bond was He that a part of His heart was sent to earth. A Seed was planted among men in young Mary's womb. Jesus would suffer the heartache that we know, yet grow strong. God walked among us, in our shoes. He felt the sting of sadness, saw our woundedness and shame, but this did not deter His effort to befriend and heal us.

One day, Jesus and His followers had walked for miles and felt hunger pangs. Ahead of Him was a large Fig tree bearing lush foliage. For all appearances, it looked to be a good source of nourishment. However, when Christ drew near, He saw that it had absolutely no fruit to offer- just leaves on bare limbs. (He had seen this before- fig leaves covering nakedness.) Religious leaders of His time wore long, elegant robes and made public spectacles of themselves for all their good works. They lived for the applause of men. When people hungered to know God and sought these men for guidance, they were not given the Bread of Heaven, or Living Water. They were left empty and given a list of behaviors to follow instead. Jesus rebuked them, "Isaiah prophesied about you correctly saying, "With their lips do they serve Me, but their hearts are far from Me."

Christ came both to weave and to cover us in His Robe of Righteousness. Christ laid a curse upon the barren Fig tree. The Messiah went on to bear the punishment for every evil that has ever been done. Scripture says, "Through one man, Adam, sin entered and through one Man, Christ, sin was abolished." "He was pierced for our transgressions, bruised for our iniquities. By His stripes we are healed."

For generations, the Seventh-Day Sabbath of the 10 Commandments was a day honored and kept in remembrance- it was a promise to man. It was a day of rest and fellowship with God and family. The rest was not only one of physical nature in ceasing labors, it was a day that pointed to a soon-coming Messiah, and spiritual rest. Jesus is the fulfillment of prophecy, of God's Law and His promises! "What then was the purpose of the Law? It was added because of transgressions UNTIL the Seed to whom the promise referred had come..... Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the Law." Galations 3:19-25

And so the blessed promise was fulfilled. As Jesus hung dying on the Cross, a heart that refused to know hatred toward the most wretched offenders cried, "Father forgive them" and finally "It is finished." According to scripture, Jesus was put on the cross during the third hour- the time of day when the Jewish priests offered morning prayer and sacrifices. During the 6th hour, darkness covered the earth and Jesus cried out, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?" Then in the 9th hour, as the priests ritually prepared for the evening sacrifice, the heart of Jesus broke for us and He died. The work on our behalf was complete. Immediately, the veil separating the Holy & the Most Holy place was torn from top to bottom and the ministration of earthly priests and animal sacrifices was ended. The Old Covenant ratified by circumcision and the blood of animals was destroyed. A New and better Covenant began and this was signed and sealed by the blood of Christ the Lamb. God said, "I will write My Laws (will) upon your hearts and minds". It is not difficult to obey when the heart is filled with love. One has no desire to steal, murder, spread lies when love is present.

God's presence no longer dwells in a temple building. He chose to dwell in the most intimate place on this earth. The Most Holy Place of all is the heart & mind of man when God's Spirit enters. God dwelt among us before the cross, He now dwells IN us when we accept Jesus as our Savior. This is why scripture calls our bodies, "the temple of the Holy Spirit".

Obedient to fulfill the Law even unto death, Jesus was raised on the third day. He had conquered Satan's evil chokehold on us. Hope was restored. The Bible says that when Christ was raised, many holy men of God were also released from the grave- as the firstfruits of God's victory.

Jesus had once said, "I did not come to destroy the Law and the Prophets, but to fulfill". This He did by living a perfect life. If it were possible for any Christian to be perfect through their own efforts, Christ's holy life on earth would not have been necessary. The same Jesus who said, "I have come to restore sight to the blind, to preach freedom to the captives and give rest to the weary" still offers the same comfort today.

Have we failed to see the merits of Christ because we are blinded by a focus on "being good"? Are you a captive of open sin, or a works-oriented experience? Are you weary of trying to cross all your 't's and dot all your 'i's in hopes that you may convince God to like you?? Come to Jesus as you are and He will embrace you. He is not shocked or disgusted by your sins or mine. He knows full well what fallen man is capable of, but there is forgiveness. See the Savior for ALL that He is. See that He is tender and merciful. "A bruised reed I will not break, a withering flame, I will not snuff out." We must accept not only His death on our behalf, but His life. He IS our Sabbath and our rest. Good News!!!

An Inspiration!

These impressive oils paintings were done by a very young woman, Akiane Kramarik, who was raised an Atheist and was never taught to believe in God. This girl's talent, especially with light and shadow, is awesome. But what impresses me as much is her determination to stay with a project until it is finished! The love in her eyes when she speaks of God is inspirational. It will never cease to amaze me, the many ways God speaks.

What a gift and a blessing!

If you want to have to shake your head and ponder the wonders of this world,
Watch this short video that was on CNN...

Dying Sweetly...

The room was filled with a wonderful fragrance. I saw at once the source of the pleasing aroma was a bunch of purple Hyacinths sitting in the middle of the table. They had been placed there by a friend. Hyacinths do not bloom very long, but blossom out early and are intoxicating until their shriveled petals fall. What sweet pleasure they bring though, making it wonderful just to take a breath throughout the entire meal!

It reminds me that life is short. We are all terminal here. Some will die in the twilight of their lives, while others are taken in their prime. I cannot know when my time will come, but I want my life to be a sweet presence until that day.

The Hyacinth (and every other part of the natural world) excels when simply doing what they were created to do. Trees produce leaves and provide shade, but just as obediently shed their brilliant leaves in the Fall of the year and stand bare in Winter's cold.

The Christ walked the earth only 33 yrs. His presence was definitely felt, then He was gone. But His Spirit is with us to this day. It was His passion, His obedience and the fact that He simply did the will of God that made Him so majestic. You can still see His character manifested in true believers today- His essence lingers. When Mary annointed Christ with perfume, it was a very strong, oil-based scent. Perhaps as He hung upon the Cross, the fragrance was still upon Him- a reminder of her unselfish love? How many of us would stoop to wash another's feet with their tears?

We are most beautiful when doing what we were created for. Finding our purpose is truly a challenge. We have so many crazy and lofty ideas of what we may be called to do. Many seeking only their own glory and honor. My goals are becoming far less grandious than they once were. On the most basic level, we humans are created to love and be loved. We are created for worship and are to permeate the lives of others with sweetness and warmth.

God, help me be willing to do whatever You ask- whether it be great or small. Don't let my breath be wasted...

The Calling...

There is a calling going out around the world. It is one that burns so strongly in my heart, but I am not the only one receiving the invitation. The Spirit speaks to my heart, "Come all you who are weary and heavily burdened, enter My rest." God wants to know us and be known. Abba, Allah, Yahweh, Jehovah wants an intimate connection with those who claim to be His own and with those who do not yet realize they are His children.

I sit in pews all across the country, as I sing/speak at rallies and witness evangelistic efforts, I have learned much about religion and how it operates. All religions have a mold you are expected to fit- from the Evangelical to the Muslim. However, our hearts and cultures are all very different. We are creatures of intelligence, imagination and creativity. Every son & daughter of God has their own unique response to Divinity. I believe God likes it this way. It is people who try to force each other to be a certain way. So we point out faults and hammer each other with our belief systems- each wanting to feel more highly esteemed in the eyes of Heaven. All the while, God is love and His Spirit is tugging at our heartstrings... "Come to Me, child. Come."

To understand the great love of God is to open our hearts to all. To feel the sorrow of others and to celebrate their joys. How can we gloat when another suffers or falls into darkness? What joy is there in discussing the weaknesses we see? Divine love creates in us a reverence for the Almighty and for all people. To realize how greatly we- the undeserving, are loved is humbling. Forgiveness pours forth as a spring toward those who sin against us, because the love of God is security and we can freely admit that we are also sinners.

Somehow, for all my clumsy effort at being a good person, I have tapped this vein of amazing love. It is overwhelming and brings tears to my eyes. I could never go back to empty formalism. I must live authentically.

The call of God is great. The love of God is grand and merciful. The cause of God is kindness.

So Far...

As promised, I will relate my experiences with various churches in the local area. I have decided against wearing outlandish disguises in order to see how I am received. I do not wish to be disruptive to anyone's worship services. Instead, I dress in my cowboy boots, nicest jeans and a dressy jacket. (Most women up here wear slacks to church because it's so cold)

So far in my northern experience, we have visited a Seventh-Day Adventist church with about 16-18 members. (We're not exactly hip on the whole church thing right now as we are feeling disillusioned about how the whole firing incident was handled.) However, we thought we'd give it a chance. The handshakes were half-hearted, the service was okay, some missionaries sharing about their successes in the field. No Potluck, no invites home. Maybe they will warm up?? (The friends we're staying with had shared a little bit about our dire situation with this church before we arrived so they could pray for us.) Not sure if they are completely disgusted by us or absolutely incapable of reaching out to hurting people. I was not my usual friendly, socialite self- I was curious how they would act toward us. I'll be the first to admit we are broken people. Nobody took an interest in us or asked us anything- not even "so where are you from?" This Sat. night, we attended their game-night social. I'll admit I was a bit in the dumps and felt out of place, but Jay played the guitar for their vespers. Not one person talked to me- except the friends we came with and some of the teens. Okay- can take a hint people. Ended up playing games with the youngsters and had a pretty good time anyway. Only the host said goodbye as the evening closed. Can't help but wonder why this is?

I was so disturbed by the blah welcome we received from our own, the very next day I visited a Baptist church. Enjoyed an awesome sermon about the hours leading up to the Cross and had one of the most meaningful communion services ever. The handshakes were warm & though I deliberately sat in the back, people made their way over to greet me and introduce themselves. After service I was heartily invited to attend their potluck, but had to decline as I needed to get back to my family. An oriental woman gave me a big hug and said she hoped I would come back again and bring my family.

This weekend, I walked 2 blocks to the local Methodist church. Could hear the church bell tolling most of the morning. Arrived in time for Sunday School which was a lively discussion about how to apply our faith without forcing ourselves on others. Nice. They had a 15 min. interval for coffee, tea, breakfast-style finger foods and socializing. 3 women immediately came up to introduce themselves- 2 older and one my age who turned out to be the Pastor's wife. She invited me over for lunch. The sermon was really good. They are doing a series on 'A Difficult Jesus'. In other words, the Pastor is bringing to light some quotes or stories from Jesus that are often hard to understand or are misinterpreted. Excellent! Today, the sermon was from Mark 7- about the time Jesus said to the Syro-phonician woman, "It's unlawful to feed the children's food to dogs". To which she replies, "Yes, Lord, but even the dogs eat the crumbs from under the Master's table". She showed great faith and was rewarded. In the chapter just before this, the Pharisees refused to receive Jesus as Messiah over the issue of unwashed hands, while this poor "heathen" women with a demon-posessed daughter was willing to eat crumbs off the floor. WOW- what faith! Great message. I took advantage of the offer for lunch and enjoyed a wonderful chicken dinner and discussion with the Pastor and his wife. They had prayer with me & hugged me before I left. I am weaker than I have ever felt in my life and feel very alone. They ministered to me and I'm very grateful. :o)

Bottom line? People go where they feel wanted and where they can connect with a Savior strong enough to cover their sins. Desperate people are often created through unethical treatment, then regarded with such indifference by many who claim to be God's representatives. I understand why Jesus wept for Jerusalem. He longed for them with such tender-pity. He saw their works-oriented, uncompassionate treatment of the wounded. Good intentions, factual theology without love = nothing. Legalism is a human problem. Christ saw the religious people of His time were well-meaning but missing the mark. God, it's so sad...

Awesome Quote!

"GRANT, O LORD, that in Your wounds I may find my safety, in Your stripes my cure, in Your pain my peace, in Your Cross my victory, in Your Resurrection my triumph, and a crown of righteousness in the glories of Your eternal kingdom."

- Jeremy Taylor, The Westminster Collection of Christian Prayers

Ministries & Millionaires...

Do these two concepts mix? Seems to me we have more evangelists preaching prosperity now than ever. Also, there are a lot of gimmicks out there. You know, I once saw a television minister (name witheld to protect the guilty) who would wipe his brow with handkerchiefs while preaching- then sell the cloths to the highest bidders, promising that the owner of these sweaty artifacts would be healed of whatever ailed them. I believe in spiritual gifts, but this is nothing less than snake-oil spirituality to me.

The more I get to know Jesus and His rag-tag band of misfits, the more I wonder if ministry is ever supposed to make people millionaires. The richness of the love & grace we know is far greater than the thrill of owning a mansion, a Lexus, a jet or any other luxury. I’m NOT saying it’s wrong to have money or enjoy things, but it frays my nerves when people in ministry are jet-setting and living in luxury while poor old ladies are sending in their last social security dime to support their ministries. To me, the truest ministry gives, not takes. Big church and big celeb musicians/ministers do some good, but how much more could be done if they could be satisfied with a more simple lifestyle & image?
The late Rich Mullins once sang in reference to Christ, “They couldn’t own You cause you didn’t own a home.” Rich was a successful musician who lived in a trailer with very few possessions. But he was wealthy beyond measure.
I do NOT believe in the prosperity preaching that preys upon greedy human natures. A gospel of this kind is legalistic, telling people that as long as they are keeping the rules & put thier 10% in the plate, they will be well to do, but if they mess up, God won’t smile on them anymore and they’ll be poor. This discounts the text that says, “God causes the rain to fall upon the righteous AND the unrighteous.”
I lost everything after years in ministry. Some people are convinced that I've done some "secret sin" for which God is now punishing. Christ was poor- what did He do to deserve it? We don’t get to choose our parents, but He actually chose a common girl as His mother- not a lady from high-society. It was His message of love that made Him great- not His stuff.

Beauty of An Open Heart...

I have fluctuated all over the place in my spiritual journey. Bottom line: I want to know God. There were many things I did in the past that made me look good. However, in any quiet moment, I had to face the fact that I still had a sinful heart and wasn't sure what to do with it. This is a reality we all must face sooner or later in order to grow in the Spirit. As humans we do not have perfect judgement- we are ALL wounded people, so we deal with things the best way we can. Some have better coping skills than others. We try to soothe the hurt inside so many different ways.

I choose to give people the benefit of the doubt. Most people do not deliberately do something they know is wrong. Yes, what they do may BE wrong, but in their minds they feel it is the reasonable thing to do. I knew those who lived in poverty because they couldn't get a job. They were willing to steal a car and felt justified because the money for it fed their kids. YES, sometimes people do bad things for a good cause.
Likewise, many of those in churches are hard on each other because they feel justified in doing so. After all, we often take responsibility for one another's salvation- as clearly shown by statements made at the 'Evangelism Rally' I attended last weekend.

I've turned a corner in my journey. God is taking me a step further and is putting more of His heart of love in me. He cannot hate or despise anyone. He's not about "Us" against "Them". Yes, He frowns on harmful behaviors, but God hates no man or woman. He dwells among us with such tender compassion for the mess we're in. None of us asked to be born into a world of death & decay. He understands the woundedness in every heart that nobody else can see and loves anyway. That is why God ALONE can judge the hearts of men.

To despise anyone goes against our higher nature. It is an uncomfortable state of mind for a Christ follower to be hateful and I wish to have no part of that. Finding freedom in the love of our Father opens my heart to love everyone else. (Yes, even the people who mistreated us and set in motion a chain of events that plunged us into present chaos.) Our God is big enough to fill us with overwhelming compassion for ALL humanity. Amazing God!

I now understand what Apostle Paul meant when he wrote, "Show me your faith and I will show you my faith by my works (actions)". Read in context, he was not talking about keeping 10 Commandments here. He was talking about living decently, in an attitude of loving-kindness & service toward all. Don't believe it? Look at the respectful way Paul treated his jailor, no doubt a man with a calloused heart. Most prisoners would have high-tailed it out of that place, never looking back, but Paul stayed and the warden became a converted man. Love breaks down barriers. The jailor may have held the whip for the beatings endured, yet Paul had compassion for the man's soul. Undeserved kindness, unmerited favor is what Grace is all about. This challenges me to open my heart further. To despise or fear no one. Jesus was willing to meet with a Pharisee who was embarassed to be seen with the "rabble-rouser". Nicodemus was sincere, but sought Christ at night, so his precious reputation in the synagogue wouldn't be spoiled. Later, we learn that Nic was converted. What if Jesus had turned away from him simply because he was of the order of the Pharisees? Jesus didn't shut anyone out.

I have been a Pharisee for much of my life- it was trained into me from early-on. For all my efforts and boasting, I was in darkness. Suddenly the light of the Gospel came on and the power of God is changing me. I know He can do the same for others like me.

There is NO sin in recognizing churchianity/legalism and seeing it for what it is. But if I turn my back and write off those I consider legalists- how will love reach them? I have not arrived, I'm still learning this walk, but I feel a boldness growing in me. A love undaunted by the actions of others. I refuse to argue. I will no longer tolerate abuse, but in making a stand, I want to remain kind to all.

The beauty of an open heart is that it loves- for the sake of loving. This gift can only come from God.

Of Blasphemy & Balance

This weekend I sang for another evangelistic pep-rally. I am always grateful for the opportunity to share the love of God through music. However, it was BIG church at it's best. Everything smoothly orchestrated- lest anyone say or sing anything even remotely objectionable.
In an impressive display, 12-16 pastors sat up front in big chairs, wearing 3 piece suits and shiny shoes. Even though we are in the "Bible Belt", they had stats-n-graphs to prove how over half of our area is "unchurched" and "lost". They had a formula of steps that church members in the area are expected to use in order to "win souls". Also, they had a 'commitment to evangelism' form that was to be sent out to every church in the area for members to sign. Is all this necessary? (I'm not against all methodology, but when did loving people & living the Gospel get to be so scientific?)

One young pastor told this dramatic tale of hiking with his dad on a glacier and sliding down to his death. Suddenly a single tree stopped him and saved his life. He then encouraged the congregation to "Be the tree for some lost person out there. People are sliding into darkness and it's up to us to rescue them". Sounds nice, but I don't want to be anyone's tree- do you? I'm in NO position to go about "rescuing" others- are you? I'm weary & broken- I can barely manage myself. But you see, there was a Tree standing on a hill several thousand years ago by which Christ rescued the human race.

Another Pastor got up saying, "God is up in Heaven. (He is?) There are many lost souls down here on the earth. (No kidding!) The church is the channel between the two, by which these people will be saved." (Say WHAT?) Christ is the Bridge- Holy Spirit is the Intercessor that crosses the great divide- NOT the church.

A third man said, "We are called to go out to sow the seeds and reap a harvest for the Lord. God needs more Bible workers in the field!" This sounds good, but who was the Sower scattering seed in the parable? Christ. Who prepares the soil of the soul? Holy Spirit. Who were the reapers? Angels- not men. Where did we get all this self-importance from? Jesus once said that if people were forbidden to praise Him, the very rocks would cry out. God can use donkeys to speak for Him. He's not sitting in Heaven wringing His hands and biting His fingernails because people aren't working hard enough. If anything, we've been over-zealous in trying to "win souls".
I sat in the front pew, often cringing inside. When will we Christians get over ourselves? Will the church ever give up the arrogance and follow the pattern of our humble Savior? Churchianity doesn't save anyone. You and I can befriend people, but it's up to Holy Spirit to bring any kind of conviction.

There was one balanced perspective- a Pastor Schmidt whom I'd never heard before. He talked about 'Friendship Evangelism'. Said we should each get to know our neighbors without fear, judging & suspicion. One way is to attend their social occasions- not to preach, but to mingle as Christ did.
He gave 4 survival tips for secular social settings:
1) SMILE- or they think you are having a terrible time and will try to cheer you up with drinks or dope.
2) FILL YOUR PLATE- if your plate is full, nobody can put something objectionable on your plate.
3) FILL YOUR GLASS- if you don't want to drink, keep your glass full of water." With a full plate, full glass and a smile, you can do fine at most any gathering.
4) Do NOT assume that just because someone does not attend your church they don't love Jesus". He also said that we shouldn't be quick to judge or view Muslims as "lost" because they believe in the God of Abraham as we do. We have NO place to hate anyone.

Well said! :o)