I drafted a letter of resignation from the Seventh-Day Adventist church this past week. NOT an easy thing to do as the church was my life and passion for so many years. However, there were too many questions the church could never answer for me- if I am to continue in my spiritual journey, these things must be given proper time and consideration. God is big enough to answer questions and true friends are big enough to let you ask.
If the people in the church had been mature enough to allow me this growing process, I wouldn't be so inclined to leave, but I have had it with nonsense. I cannot ignore what I've learned studying the Bible for myself, not with groupies anymore. I have seen too much. To have a passion for God and constantly be micro-managed, stifled, corrected and told what to do, how to believe, eat, dress, think, worship, etc. To be lectured repeatedly when all I really needed to know was that I am loved. Many have been used, mistreated, and neglected by the "Saints". Sorry, but it's too much to take. Those who have never seen life outside the bubble, the tight inner-circle think it's crazy to leave. To them the church has only ever been a place of security. One believer so lovingly referred to it as being like "a baby receiving nourishment in the womb". Glad she's had such a great experience. If that little picture holds true, the sad fact is, many seekers feel that we have been aborted. We know how people feel about us now. We once joined in clucking tongues and looking down our noses at those who had become disillusioned. We understand why they left now.
There is a core group of sincere thinkers in the SDA faith who may still be able to turn things around, but it will take years. I sang my heart out, wrote with passion and spoke until I was completely burned out on the whole deal. Some prefer spiritual bondage rather than knowing FREEDOM in Jesus Christ.
The vast majority still hold themselves up as the last bit of light to a fallen world saying, "Look to us for Truth". Yet, when thier members failed to provide the most basic of needs in someone's darkest hour, we are told, "Well, you can't judge the church by it's people." Which is it then? Look to you as examples or not??
Christ is the only example you as "Christians" should have upheld. Not a denomination, not 3ABN or LifeTalk, not this or that celebrity preacher or Sister White. For all the many words of "inspiration" you are barren like fig trees with no fruit and it has broken hearts until we prefer to "wander in the wilderness" than sit in the pews or suffer such dry sermons anymore.
All the "love" I thought existed when I went along with everything, suddenly grew quite thin when I began to think for myself. Oh, how the gossip wheels have turned! In arrogance, you were not even willing to hear us out or see where we were coming from.
How often does one turn the other cheek before realizing that's all you will ever do?? The church doled out the abuse, yet faults many for their anger. If a wife has an abusive husband, people clearly see the necessity of her getting OUT of the relationship. Our relationship with the church was spiritually toxic, yet we are expected to grin and bear it?
One of the hardest things for someone like me to reconcile is that the church is NOT God. The church saves nobody. God alone can save. So effective were you in the indoctrination of mind & soul. Many nights I have shuttered at the thought of even considering a withdrawel from the organization- for fear I would be "lost". I'm not leaving God, I'm leaving a controlling social club. This is a neccessary step in my growth as a person, but it has not come without the shedding of many tears.
You see, the majority of people in that church believe that anyone who is not a member of their particular denomination is in serious danger of condemnation. Especially if you were once a part of their whole scene and choose to leave. They have been in the big church business for so many decades, they cannot see how the church and it's message has become their God. So filled with a mission for winning people to their way of thinking, many have lost the ability to do much- if any practical good in people's lives and meet their daily needs. Even for a family of 6 of their own members.
There have been a few genuine souls who sent us money or a note of encouragement here & there after the firings- we have been & remain VERY grateful for that.
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8 comments:
I grieve with you for this loss and pray that God will comfort you.
The challenges and questions you have are not just in the SDA chuch, they are everywhere. But many are finding that God is the only one who saves or holds any answers at all.
Be encouraged, God knows your heart and understands your reasons. The loneliness will subside and He will eventually lead you to or help you carve out a new place of community which will welcome you as you are.
Thank you for sharing. I do understand your tears, and also your decision.
Your statement that you are leaving a social club, not leaving God, is comforting. I think it bears witness to how far you have come on your journey, and a desire for greater things.
I'm still an SDA - and I hope I will continue to be. But I do understand that there may be reasons for leaving, at this does in no way have to be a bad thing. The important thing is to trust God, not trust the Church.
So, congratulations on this decision. It is a brave thing to do. May God continue to bless you and be a guiding force in your life.
:) Blossom and grow, Trailady! You are now free to know the Heart of God in ways you never before imagined possible!
Forever your brother in Christ ALONE,
Chad
I did the same a year ago and have never regretted it. May I recommend Martin Zender's "How to Quit Church Without Quitting God". Available on Amazon. If you can get one, I'll give you mine. Let me know!
Now that you've made this decision, you'll find peace (and freedom) you never dreamed of. I commend you for your courage. I am always here to listen and help.
Blessings to you and your family.
I had to break away, but from a congregation, not a denomination. I changed my membership to a sister church and there found all the love and encouragement I had so desperately been craving.
Both my husband and I were so nurtured that we were able to more fully serve God in ways we never thought imaginable.
May God wrap you in His arms and give you comfort.
With only a few exceptions, I could have wrote this myself! You remind me of the pain and anger I felt. But I do not feel that any more.
There are many things you will have to work out, and one of them is forgiveness. It bothered me for some time, but eventually I could say in my heart that I would be able to forgive them if they were to ask for it. I actually thought it was up to me to ask for their forgiveness regardless of whether they wanted it. Just today I found out that is not the case! As I understand it now, we are not bound to forgive someone, in fact we may not really be able to forgive them until there is repentance on their part. Repentance is a key part of the process and without it forgiveness is meaningless.
God be with you and your family.
"Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."
That's a tall order, but He's our example.
Trailady, yours and Jay's could be a long journey. I left the church once, for 13 years. But I left God and the Bible and faith, etc. at the same time. I said fooey on all of it.
But like Haley's comet, somehow I ended up right back where I left off. Now I understood God better, and the Bible and faith, and yes, a little later, I even understood the church with all its "situations."
Now I love what I had hated. I still find it a challenge to see people withreal dependence on Jesus. But now I find it my unending obligation to help people trust in Him instead of the group.
Being religious, pleasing people isn't enough. Going through the Sabbath morning routine isn't enough. But I love these people anyway. They are "prisoners of hope."
I'm sorry for the hard hearts you have met. But it provides the opportunity for your charity to suffer long and then be kind, forever, to let it bear all things.
Maybe I am speaking like one of those heartless ones you mentioned. I hope not. You are a good friend and I love to pop in once in a while to read your blog. Thank you for getting me started in blogging.
I hope and pray all goes well in your journey. I'm hoping it will be another Haley's comet journey for you both. I miss you a lot.
Your inquisition only seems natural to me. Its when we question our beliefs that we are able to determine what we really believe and why--just ask any of the psalmists.
My only concern would be that the bitterness and other emotions that are so apparent in your situation would leave you in the same condition as those you are "freeing" yourself from. That is not a personal accusation, but more of an observation of just how much people can let themselves be devoured by these feelings.
Continue to pray for those individuals who have created a burden for your family. As you have decided to intentionally allow God to direct you (I'm assuming) pray they would be able to do the same.
It is only in Christ that God has revealed Himself. So, as you follow our Lord may you be drawn closer to Him. Stay blessed...john
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